I’ve become so reliant on my cellular phone’s address book, the only phone number I still have committed to memory is Jenny’s.

Legitimate scientists and doctors don’t wear lab-coats on TV, liars trying to sell you something do.

Wood-grain only looks good on wood.

s 2006 comes to a close, I offer the following three nuggets of pseudo-wisdom: All creativity is creative problem solving, there’s no such thing as useless knowledge and it’s near impossible to tickle your way out of getting a ticket.

Anyone who buys a bookmark or a paper weight lacks ingenuity.

Somewhere, there’s a machine that applies random tears and faux oil stains to “broken-in” jeans. This machine would be near impossible to explain to a time traveler from the past. It’s probably best if we just don’t even show it to them.

I live in a country where the politicians are laughable and the comedians are poignant. Jeff Foxworthy, however, is neither.

I have a very vivid childhood memory of chewing on a squishy, pink, plastic, Barbie shoe. I never owned a Barbie doll, so consider this an open letter of apology to anyone who did.

The fact that psychics, tarot card readers and astrologists are able to stay in business is proof that some people can not be trusted with their own finances.

It seems to me that there is a disproportionate number of famous albinos.