In 29 short years, MTV has ruined music, television, New Jersey and birthday parties. That’s literally a bold statement, allow me to build my case:

Exhibit A) Sure, image, marketing and visual appearance have always had their places in pop music… but it wasn’t until the popularization of the music video that those things completely eclipsed musicianship. Janis Joplin would NOT have a record contract in a post-MTV world, nor would Justin Bieber in a pre-MTV world.

Exhibit B) The first season of The Real World aired in 1992. Arguably, the series’s success was instrumental in America’s reality TV explosion. It is the illegitimate father of The Simple Life, Keeping Up With the Kardashians, The Hills and any number of little person, human litter-raising and/or cake decorating docu-crapperies. The majority of reality TV programs celebrate the worst of humanity and grant celebrity status to dismal people for doing dispicable things.

Exhibit C) New Jersey has long had its problems but Bon Jovi and Jersey Shore is a one-two punch from which the garden state may never recover. A conservative estimate is that 80% of all Jerseyites idolize and/or emmulate one or both.

Exhibit D) My Super Sweet Sixteen taught us that a birthday party isn’t a celebratory gathering of loved ones nor ritualistic rite of passage… it’s a pissing match for rich people.

Case closed. The floor is open for debate.