The mysteries of the cosmos are like a complex series of cracks in a plaster wall. Science serves as a magnifying glass which can be used to closely examine and understand those cracks. Religion is a big bucket of spackle.

Keeping with our country’s rich history of declaring war against inanimate objects like drugs, AIDS and terror, isn’t it high time the US declared war on severe weather?

Every once in a while, when you are about to (or in the midst of) doing something, ask yourself why you are about to (or in the midst of) doing it. If the answer contains “always have”, “everybody else” or “celebrity”, stop doing that thing.

I think if God shaved off his long white beard it would make him look a few thousand years younger.

Even though I grew up as an only child, I’m not spoiled. You can even ask my masseuse.

When I look at my belly button, I’m reminded of all the good times I’ve shared with my mom.

In a recent poll, 21% of children reported that they would eat ice cream for every meal if they were elected president. Unfortunately, that may be the soundest executive branch decision of this decade. At least it kind of makes sense.

Be proud of your wrinkles, you earned them.

I’m not so surprised that religious right-wingers are on a crusade to teach creationism in the classroom. I AM curious as to when they will demand that heaven be printed on maps. From what I understand, it is hovering somewhere over the central part of the continental US.

I can’t believe the election results. I wish global warming would hurry up and improve Canada’s climate.