It seems to me that there is a disproportionate number of famous albinos.

I enjoy the abundance of mirrors at the health club. The potential for covert staring is almost limitless.

People who aren’t registered organ donors should not be allowed to become organ recipients. They are organ hogs.

The movie theater near my house offers three sizes of popcorn: medium, large and jumbo. I informed the manager that it is ridiculous to call the smallest size “medium” because the word literally means middle. To date, the situation has not been corrected.

There are three types of people in this world: sheep, shepherds and wolves.

Welcome to the Age of Zero Consequence. Don’t believe me? OJ Simpson most likely played golf this morning, George Bush was REelected to our government’s top post and Ashley Simpson is STILL a superstar.

Once you become an adult, the instances of standing back to back with someone to compare heights really taper off. I think that’s what I miss most.

The mysteries of the cosmos are like a complex series of cracks in a plaster wall. Science serves as a magnifying glass which can be used to closely examine and understand those cracks. Religion is a big bucket of spackle.

Keeping with our country’s rich history of declaring war against inanimate objects like drugs, AIDS and terror, isn’t it high time the US declared war on severe weather?

Every once in a while, when you are about to (or in the midst of) doing something, ask yourself why you are about to (or in the midst of) doing it. If the answer contains “always have”, “everybody else” or “celebrity”, stop doing that thing.